We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
