I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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