I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She announced her abortion via fbk
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
