i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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