high people should be assigned attendants
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
