They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
