I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
