Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
