The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
