is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
