Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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