as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
