u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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