i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
