You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
