So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
