I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
