the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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