um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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