my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
