We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
