Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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