he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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