my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
