Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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