There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
