What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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