You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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