There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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