The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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