I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is Oprah even human
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
