Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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