Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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