My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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