I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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