I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
