so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
