meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
