I think I am morally bankrupt
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
