It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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