The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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