i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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