Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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