I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
