I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
