Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
