doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
