watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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