There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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