I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
