she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
