dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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