I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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