Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
