Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Girls should come with a carfax report
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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