dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs