Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?

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(214): View more from Texas

did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.

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(805): View more from California

I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.

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(317): View more from Indiana

that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?

(317): View more from Indiana

Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live

(765): View more from Indiana

That’s legit

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