Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
