Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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