he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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