I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
