Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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