You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
