Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
