I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
