It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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