Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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