So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
