Will you blow on my dice?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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