then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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