and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
