I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
