as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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