No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
