in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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