Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
